Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We showed up at Alten.
It appears to have some damage to the city.
You have business here.
We're looking to fight a dragon.
We heard there was a dragon had been here,
and we want to find out what's going on.
We're supposed to be meeting our friend Delane here.
Let me send down the platform,
and we'll come up here so we don't have to yell at each other.
My name is GAlydindan Delane.
He hasn't been through in quite a while.
It seems like your village has taken a little bit of a hit here.
Can you tell us what happened?
Perhaps you should find the warden, GAlydin.
It's been said that he is one of the reasons why the dragon had left.
You pull up and there's a sign that says,
beefy stews, beefy stews.
Family sitting beside you at the counter.
They look over nervously.
How has Alten managed to stay standing?
We were saved by our village warden, GAlydin,
after he went down into the fray, everyone left.
Was he much loved before this incident?
He was a large part of the settlement,
making sure everyone was taken care of.
He himself has lost a lot as well.
His wife was killed in the attack.
Yes, yes, yes, come in.
And a slim elf sits at a desk and he stands up to greet you
and seems to have kind of a forced smile.
Welcome to our village.
How can I be of service?
We have some experience fighting dragons
since it seems like you're in charge.
You question me.
In my own house, in my own settlement,
who do you think you are?
Hey, hey, hey, boss.
Tried to find those papers you were looking for.
What's going on in here?
I have told you all I can.
That Goblin gave me the heads up
that we should go talk to her.
And he's still not telling the truth.
We going on an adventure or what?
Holy shit.
What did he say?
Did he say how he's been going out late at night?
There's this thing they call like a sting operation.
You just, you set up and you follow him.
As you continue to follow him,
he steps into an open clearing
and he's getting increasingly nervous,
openly frustrated by the fact that
whoever he's waiting for has not shown up.
Thaddeus says, so what are we going to do?
Unless we catch him, how do we know?
Fuck.
And he gets up and he walks out.
Well, I guess we should probably follow him.
He's heading directly towards GAlydin's house.
Thaddeus has GAlydin up against a wall
by the scruff of the neck, screaming at him.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We are a fifth edition Actual Play podcast
and I am your dungeon master, Russ More.
And with me today is Amy More.
I am.
Okay, I turned up the microphone.
You don't have to yell so loud.
She was just mirroring my energy.
I know I liked it.
Also with me today, Carla Johnson.
Hey, I'm Carla.
I play new Laura Moonbrook.
Currently want to throw my computer out a window.
That's my state of mind.
I'm going to start adding that
at the beginning of the intros.
That's the motto for podcasting.
I think is what it is.
I think you're right.
And with us last but not least, Tom Laird.
Yep, that's me.
I play Flint Firebeard
and I'm not having computer trouble.
So woohoo.
So you're a braggart.
I didn't say who I am.
I play Thea Amastasia.
Do you feel left out?
She is thrilled to play Thea Amastasia.
You cut me off and you introduced Carla
and I wasn't done yet after you finished berating me
about my volume of my voice.
I'm sorry.
Maybe I have the Austin Powers problem, okay?
You've been frozen in ice and...
Pee for a really long time.
Yeah.
That seems to check out.
You use a Swedish penis enlarger,
but then don't admit to it.
This isn't mine, baby.
One of the best things about our podcast
is our highly topical references.
Right?
We're always on it.
That's recent.
I feel like they keep saying
there's another Austin Powers coming
so that we'll just keep talking about it.
And then when they eventually make it,
it will be totally topical.
Are they saying that?
Mike Myers would be like...
I don't know.
I feel like Mike Myers
or somebody associated with the project
has been saying something
like there's been another one in the works
since, what was the last one,
Goldmember came out.
I can see why Mike Myers would want to do it.
He hasn't really been doing a lot lately.
What, you mean the Love Guru
wasn't a huge success?
God, even that was like 10 years ago.
He does the gong.
Oh.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, there's that TV show.
Is that still a thing?
I don't know if it's still a thing.
It was when we came back to Canada.
Oh, okay.
Well, that wasn't that long ago.
I think they'll bring it back.
And I was like, that's Mike Myers.
And then my parents were like,
no, it's not.
It's such and such.
I was like, no, that's just Mike Myers
in Facebook.
In a lot of pathetics.
Yeah.
For no reason.
Because he still looks exactly the same
because you cannot make that guy up in any way
where he does not look like Mike Myers.
It's a very pronounced jaw,
I think is what it is.
Yeah.
Well, and his voice, man.
He can, you know,
he has different character voices,
but they all sound like Mike Myers.
Yeah.
It's all just Mike Myers.
All kind of Shrek-ish.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're a Dumbgeons and Dragons podcast
and we play Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Wait, this isn't our Mike Myers podcast?
And if you like this talk about Mike Myers,
you should come over to our Patreon
where we're going to be starting
a new Mike Myers spinoff podcast
where we all play a different Mike Myers character.
Yes.
I call Shrek.
Aw, you took the best one.
Fat bastard.
Those are going to sound awfully similar.
The dad from So I Married and Axe Murder.
Oh, shit.
Okay, one more Scottish Mike Myers character.
One more Scottish Mike Myers character.
I can't think of another one.
I'm not being the love guru
because I did not see that movie,
but it's definitely racist.
So you're the love guru.
Clearly the most racist of us all, Carla.
You get to be the love guru.
It's just typecast.
And our podcast will be called
It's Dragons, Baby, Yeah.
So if you come join us on Patreon,
we may or may not have a Mike Myers based podcast,
but what we do have is another D&D game running over there
currently DM'd by Tom Laird.
And the episode that comes or has just come out
this past month is hilarious.
Episode 8.
If we do say so ourselves.
Made me roll on the floor.
Laughing is what the kids are saying.
R-O-F-L-N-B-O.
The Star Wars movies.
The eighth installment is the best.
Right.
It's a fun game.
We get to play totally different characters
and it's only for the specialist people get to listen to it.
Like the Patreon dedication today is one Jonathan.
Sorry if I mess up your last name.
Nooyam.
Probably Nguyen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, we've given him three options.
So hopefully one is closest.
Jonathan, thank you so much for being amazing.
Thank you.
You're awesome, Jonathan.
Jonathan is also usually one of the first ones to point out
when we get rules errors.
Oh, and boy does he point out a lot of mine.
Keeping us on the straight and narrow.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I appreciate it.
I was going to say it's very helpful.
He tries to make me better.
It's not working.
So I just didn't realize I made so many until Russell's
like, oh, yeah, here's a picture of the screenshot of a
conversation we're having.
I'm like, oh, I feel bad now.
I'm seriously excited to DM.
Jonathan, you go easy on me because I'm not going to
follow any rules where we're going.
We don't need rules.
Oh, that's exciting.
And every character is going to be some sort of Doc Brown
character.
Oh, God.
No, Amy.
Don't let that happen.
I won't.
He doesn't control me.
You don't own me.
Good.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
Yes.
Didn't we already fuck it?
No.
I just was swearing.
It was confusing because I was just cursing a lot at my
computer.
So you thought that meant I had said the thing.
You follow behind Thaddeus and follow him to Galen's
house where Thaddeus has gone in.
And you see he's got him by the scruff of the neck.
And he's screaming at him, who are you working with?
And who are you meeting in the forest?
And Galen is a little bit stuttering.
And he says, what are you talking about?
Meeting who and what?
And he kind of wriggles free from Thaddeus as Thaddeus
continues yelling at him.
And he's sprinting for the door where you four are
standing.
Can we just trip him?
Is that what you want to do?
Kind of.
I mean, I just want to stop him.
That would probably work.
You could, like, clothesline him.
Yeah.
Oh, whoa.
Let's get creative with it.
So you just do, like, a, like, just a yawn stretch.
Just like a little, like, ah.
And then he runs into my arm.
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
He runs towards you.
And you, you clothesline him.
Just roll me a d20 with strength.
So I should, like, throw it against the wall?
Totally.
Exactly what I was going to say.
You're the fucking best, Amy.
I love it.
17.
Yeah, you put your arm out.
And you manage to stop him in his tracks.
You don't knock him to the floor or anything.
But he kind of bounces back and is now
in between Thaddeus and your entourage.
And he says, I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you doing coming into my house?
How can you not know what we're talking about?
We followed you.
What do you mean you followed me?
I've been here all night.
Lies.
Shenanigans.
Lies, you shut your lying mouth.
Yeah, you stupid son of a bitch.
Calm down.
You're going out every night.
Everyone in the city has good things to say about you.
So why are you acting shady as hell?
What is going on?
I don't know what you're talking about.
And he looks outside.
And he sees people kind of starting
to come out from their houses.
And he says, help.
Help.
Thea punches him in the face.
I think they're working for the dragon.
Thea punches him in the face before I can say it.
Oh, fuck.
Plus your strength.
Well, I know.
My strength is only two, though.
It's 11.
Should I slap him instead?
He's got those noodly elf arms.
My noodly.
I'm so way fish.
I'm like, I have no strength behind my bunch.
He grabs at his face.
And he's, they're striking me.
Help me.
I called to the dragon.
I think they're here.
And you see people coming closer to Galen's house.
I produce flame in my hand.
And I say, you shut up, or I will burn this place down.
Thea's not fucking around anymore.
No kidding.
So he stops yelling.
No yell.
Just kidding.
Go back to your houses.
He's such a jokester.
How about we go inside?
I thought we were inside.
You are inside.
He has an open air concept house.
Oh, yeah, right.
I thought he had run out the door.
And that's how we were outside the door.
But OK.
Thea managed to push him back.
I see.
I not so really clotheslined him.
And then almost but not quite slapped him in the face.
Hey, all you needed to do was stop him.
And you did it.
I'm just not feeling very effective.
So I think I'm overcompensating
with my level of aggression because
of my lame attempts of physical contact.
And I'm like, you know what?
It's not my thing.
I'm just going to burn this place to the ground.
Magic fire time.
Yeah, it's more of your strength.
So I guess, what's the crowd doing?
Some of the crowd looks to be kind of backing away.
But others are just kind of standing and watching,
not going anywhere.
But they're not approaching the house anymore.
Right.
OK.
They're just but they can everybody can see you.
See what's happening.
Yeah, yeah, because we're yeah.
Well, I don't think this will work.
But I will say, like, everything is fine.
We do not work for the Cult of the Dragon.
We're just trying to get some information from him.
It's what the Cult of the Dragon would say.
No, it wouldn't.
The Cult of the Dragon.
Have you even met any of those guys?
They are very obvious.
Yeah, they're not really a talk organization.
At least has been our experience with them.
I think you can all probably agree.
They come in fire breathing, murdering, not one on one
chit chat.
They also wear purple robes.
And none of us have those.
They don't all wear.
And then as he says that, Thaddeus knocks him to the
ground and is stepping on his throat.
Oh boy.
This this version of Thaddeus is aggressive.
He begins muttering and incantation under his breath
and his eyes begin to glow and his hands begin to
glow a light.
And he says, how many people have you killed?
The only spy here is you, coward.
And his hands grow brighter.
He's casting Zone of Truth.
Is that real?
We've never had that on our show.
I don't know.
What do you guys do watching him?
You don't know that he's casting Zone of Truth.
You know that he's casting something.
What do you guys do watching this?
Keep watching.
I'm going to let him know.
He's kicking the shit out of somebody.
This is amazing.
This is like totally never happened before.
Man, you know, we don't know Thaddeus very well.
Maybe it's a little bit of a loose cannon.
You know what, Galen?
I'd answer him.
He says, I would doubt.
I don't know what you guys are, what you talking about?
And Thaddeus lets loose a ball of energy that spreads
across the room and until the spell ends, any creature
in that sphere must make a Charisma saving throw.
That includes all of you.
I'm Charismatic as shit.
I am.
15.
16.
I have no Charisma.
So I just wasted my only good roll.
Sorry.
Sorry friends.
Nularaaaan, Thea save, Flamikinskin saves, but nobody else saves.
So you are all under the allure of Zone of Truth.
Yeah.
Can't wait to hear what Flint tells us about how he really
feels about us.
Oh boy.
And Thaddeus.
Do I recognize a spell?
You recognize that a spell was cast.
Oh my god, the entire neighborhood recognize that a
spell is being cast.
Well, no, you recognize that a spell was cast that
was trying to alter the way that you are able to
control, you know, talk and stuff, but you know that
you have saved from it.
So Thaddeus says, who are you working for and you
see Galen try to say something and he just he
can't bring himself to say what he wants to say
and he breaks down and he says, you're right.
I stopped the attack on Altand.
We were being attacked by the dragon and I found
myself face to face with this man who was riding
the dragon.
We were in the thick of battle and I begged for
my life offering anything in return.
I begged for my life not for the life of anybody
else.
I saw that my wife was murdered.
I had nothing left.
And he agreed to spare me and leave Altand
intact in exchange for information on other
settlements that he would attack.
Low.
Yikes.
Coward, you have nothing to live for yet you
decided to jeopardize the lives of you know, I
don't know how many else like thousands of
others.
I saved the people in my settlement and that
was what I thought I could do at that time
given the opportunity that I had.
I assume this was before all the other
settlements were burned.
No, they just they they came here and they
were looking for information on on other
settlements within within the forest.
If you remember there were there were at least
a couple other settlements that have not been hit.
I was trying to figure out a timeline like did
they come to Altand first and then he
gave them information and then those other
settlements got burned to a crisp or some
had already been burned to a crisp then they
came here like can we stop this or no?
They they had hit other settlements before
they had come here.
And they were amidst destroying our people
and our city our our settlement and there
are other settlements that they want to hit
and I was to provide information on their
weaknesses being that we were a safe house
for some of the the remaining few people
who got away from the initial attacks and
the other settlements we had access to more
information on on the various capabilities
that these settlements had.
And that's where I was going tonight to
meet him and tell him about you showing
up.
But he did not show up.
Does he normally come every night to
get information or is there a way that
you signal him?
I am to go to the same spot every night
he comes most nights.
This is the only the second or third time
that he has not shown up.
When he comes is he a man alone or he's
on the dragon or he and the dragon come
together.
What's this man's name?
I don't know his name.
I don't know the name of the dragon.
He did not give me any of that information.
I don't know who he is.
I know when he leaves he flies off due
southeast from where we met and his
clothes when he shows up are are often
his clothes and his hair are often wet.
Is there a giant waterfall with a cave
behind it somewhere?
I was going to ask the exact same question.
Feel like maybe you would have mentioned
that if there was and you knew about
it, but I don't know.
I mean there there are waterfalls within
the Misty Forest.
Some in possibly in the direction that
he was flying after our meetings.
Have you given no thought to where he
he might be coming from or going to?
I mean, you're obviously a coward,
but have you even bothered to look?
No, my settlement is safe and that
your settlement is safe for now.
I'm so disgusted by this man.
This is like against everything new
Laura believes rate like she wants to
protect people.
This is just like you look out in
the crowd has gathered around gallons
house.
Yeah, come closer.
There is a concerned murmur going
through coming through the crowds.
So if they heard all this be I'm
going to say, yeah, okay.
Well, I don't think we're going
to have to take care of him.
I think that the community might
do that.
Well, maybe but maybe they're
like on board because he saved them.
People are.
Grows worse.
Yeah, yeah, our elves fairly.
I shouldn't.
I feel like I should know this,
but well, no, I'm just wondering
if they're very community-driven
do they care about their own in
any sort of like a stronger way
where the majority of people would
say you sure you saved us,
but you've now put thousands
of our kin and brethren in danger.
Not cool, man, or are they
fairly self-serving selfish
individuals who are like,
well, you know, you know,
there's always trade-offs.
No, I mean, elves are going
to be very community-driven
and community-based because I
mean they live for a very
long time, but as such they
don't necessarily procreate
as fast as say humans do.
So yeah, we don't practice.
I was going to say has led me
to believe that is not the case.
Sorry, but because they live
for such a long time,
they don't need to write.
So when their numbers diminish
that takes them, you know,
much longer to build back up to
so what's the gestation
period of an elf?
Yeah, good question.
Galen, answer honestly.
It's approximately nine months.
So, but because they live
for as much longer.
Well, they're babies until like
or like it takes them 25 years
to fully mature whereas
that's actually only a few years
less than a regular.
I was going to say arguably it's not even
I don't know.
I know some 25 year olds
that are not fully mature yet.
No, no, physically, physically mature.
I see, I see.
Because like I it's a hundred.
It's a hundred before they're considered
like adult adults, right?
Okay.
Well, that very important aside aside.
Yeah, I feel like I know more.
Me too, like about the world
that we're inhabiting.
So that's flushed it out.
So thank you, Russ.
Yeah, no worries.
I guess I'm going to like talk
to the crowd kind of and say
like do any of you
where could they be
if he's heading to the southeast
and his his clothes
and hair are wet.
Certainly you must have explored
the forest.
Where where could this be?
Where did they meet them?
Galen says,
I don't know.
We followed them to a clearing
but you know, I tell them in like
a good important way.
Galen then comes forward and says
yeah, yeah, dude.
There's probably a couple
waterfalls in that direction.
I mean, if that's what you're looking
for, then I mean,
that might be good for you.
Unless any of you can think of
something else that would fit
with those clues.
It would have to be a huge
waterfall.
It's a dragon.
So yeah, no,
you're absolutely right.
And I mean, there is there.
Like I said,
there are a couple.
One of them is is quite large.
And I mean, it could.
I don't know if there's any sort
of tunnel system beyond it.
I personally haven't explored
that that much.
But I know there is one
in that direction.
What do you want us to do
with your fearful leader?
Yeah, let's burn them at the stake.
There's one guy back here.
That's Flammekins.
All right.
She's pretty easily.
Motherfucker having me push paperwork
this whole goddamn time.
He's trying to burn everything.
I'm like holding Flammekins back.
Like Flammekins.
Let me at him.
And I let her go.
She kicks him in the stomach.
Another elf steps forward
and he says,
we will take care of Galen.
He will be tried.
There is no need for you
to take any drastic measures.
We have heard what he has done
and he shall be tried as one of us
and justly served.
Thea feels good about it.
Me too.
I don't want to kill him or anything.
Yeah, no, me neither.
But I now I don't know
why this would make me more
want to stop them
because we obviously already
wanted to stop them.
But now it feels like
grosser that someone has
like betrayed their kind.
Wait, now it feels like
it's less overt
and more they're getting
into the hearts of, you know,
people in power and manipulating them.
Yes.
And that's harder to fight.
Yes.
It's true because, you know,
like I just said to this
crowd of angry elves,
normally they just like
in our experience,
so much of it has been
them just like coming
and burning shit
at least in this forest, right?
Like we didn't know they were.
Oh, yeah.
Or stealing a whole bunch
of gold and shit and hoarding it.
You know,
remember when when it was easy
and they were just stealing stuff?
Remember when the good old days
when they were just after treasure?
Yeah.
So I guess do they take Galen
or are we still holding on to him?
Thaddeus is still just
like kicking him or.
I mean, I guess that's up to you
if you let them by to take them
unless you have any other questions, but.
I do.
Flint.
Yeah.
So.
Do you do you have any special feelings
for a certain a certain, you know?
Certain special someone
that we may or may not have had
dinner with and fought grungs with.
Grants is he's dead.
Thaddeus is like,
you got to be very specific
with these questions.
Oh my God.
Meanwhile, they're they're
taking gallon away.
I don't know if you want
to rephrase your question
or if you're good.
What was her name?
I'm trying to think.
Disa.
Do you love Disa?
No, she wasn't my type.
What is your type?
I don't know.
I haven't met them yet.
Wow.
Well, that was that was anticlimactic,
but I'm like I like kind of high five
CF because I'm like
I'm really excited.
She took advantage of this opportunity.
Well, you know,
we don't know a whole lot about Flint.
Let's face it.
He could be some psycho.
Just kidding.
Flint, you wearing underpants?
You know me, definitely not.
That's a man.
What do you do about the chafing with the armor?
Baby powder.
There's baby powder in this universe.
Good to know.
Oh, well, there's always cornstarch, right?
True, true.
Talcum powder of some kind.
Talcum powder and cornstarch.
Very much the same thing.
Very much the same.
They're very interchangeable
as uses as well.
Like you can bake with both of them.
I suggest it to you.
Yeah, it's no problem at all.
Next time you're thickening a stew,
make sure to use baby powder.
Join us on Patreon for alternate podcast
alternate baking methods.
Yes.
Cooking to kill yourself.
I know that that was darker
when I said it out loud.
What is that?
Like pre-heat oven to 350 insert?
Yikes.
Okay, take him away.
I don't want to see his face anymore.
Do we want to try and like
go find this waterfall?
Like, what do you?
Yes, because now I'm all like riled up
and that's what I want to do is
let's go.
Let's get a fucking posse of elves
and go to hunt these.
But it is still, you know,
dragon people.
What's our larger?
Like what's our bigger picture thing
here?
Because like you Lara has lost
the bigger picture.
Wait a minute.
Bring that guy back.
I yeah.
No, once you just mentioned,
are they out?
They're not out yet.
Are they?
They are like midway out the door.
No, no.
Okay, stop.
They still in the zone of truth,
right?
Sure.
Thaddeus can just move and he's.
Oh, where's Nerenvane?
Oh, good question.
Right.
Yep.
I don't know Nerenvane.
Okay.
Does anyone else in the room happen
to know him is a statue of Adren.
Yeah.
Anybody else?
Anybody Nerenvane?
Are you here?
So I say that question again.
I don't know.
Is anyone else in the room know
of or is Nerenvane?
There's like everybody looks
and they're like, I mean besides
the fact that he was once
he's the missing prince to
King Melandridge.
We don't know and he hasn't
been heard from in years.
Yeah, a simple no would suffice.
Yeah, that's fine.
We're under the zone of truth.
We have to give the answer
to our fullest ability.
Who's Adren?
Adren is the founder of Altand.
Right.
I forgot.
The statue dude?
Yeah, it's the statue dude.
Get him out of here.
Love flammie kids.
Before I tear his fucking face off.
I'm a goblin.
I can eat faces.
She's one of my favorite NPCs.
I'm really into her.
Who's up to talk about this
over some beefy stews?
Yes, I'm always down for beefy stews.
Yes.
I...
Okay.
Well, we could go there
and like try and get a posse.
Like an insane clown posse?
Like I want to go now
and like try to find this waterfall
and try to stop this from happening.
Who's with me?
I also want to do that,
but I worry that
like if we are here to find
Narenvane,
do we...
Should we wait for Delaine?
Should we...
I don't know.
He's supposed to meet us here.
Thaddeus
shakes the glow that is about him
and says,
perhaps we wait until morning.
He said he was supposed to be here today.
If we wait till morning,
gives him a chance to to meet us here.
And if he doesn't show up,
perhaps something has happened to him.
Thaddeus, you are making sense.
You're very wise.
It isn't reasonable to
rush off to try and find a dragon
hiding behind a waterfall
that may or may not exist.
At night.
Besides, and he pointed out
and he points around and looks
and directs you to the houses around you
and you see many of the elves
gathering whatever they can carry
and looking like they're
heading towards the pulley systems.
Not all of them,
but many of them look like they're leaving leaving town.
Where are you going?
Anywhere safer than here.
I don't know.
Your buddy already cut you guys a deal.
This might be the best place for you.
This is probably the safest place.
Yeah, we'll figure that out when we're on the road.
Okay, stay safe.
Bye.
Are they falling down?
They're riding roller coasters.
One guy very far away from you decided to talk to you.
He's the only one answering.
Yeah, that's fair.
Okay, so I guess let's go to beefy stews.
Let's have some stew.
Yeah.
Have a good night's rest
and hopefully Delaine will be here.
We can get our kissy kissy on
and then we can go and maybe see about the dragon.
Okay.
He is very smitten with him.
Naturally.
Yeah, rightfully so.
He's got that wolf.
Naturally, he's breathing and walking about.
He's exactly Fia's type.
Checking a lot of boxes.
All those boxes.
Also, also the winter wolf thing.
We had a moment at the council meeting.
Okay, so beefy stews.
So you head back to beefy stews.
You eat some stew.
Do you want to talk about anything in particular
or are you just heading to...
I feel like it's a quiet like...
Yeah, I just want to go to Sleepy Time Station.
Everyone's in their own head just...
All right.
All aboard.
Everybody, Flint, you get to head to Sleepy Time Station.
Yeah, I'm extra quiet after having my privacy trodden upon.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
We didn't learn anything, so...
You learned dwarven females are not Flint's type.
Well, at least that one is.
And that he doesn't wear underwear.
At least that one.
I think we knew that.
I had a feeling like we had that.
Yeah, we kind of suspected that latter fact.
I mean, that was...
That's pretty much canon at this point.
The never nude turns always almost nude.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, so you guys all head to bed.
And Carla and Amy, I need you to take your headphones off.
Okay, they're gone.
Okay.
You wake up in the morning and naturally you're a nudist.
So you have on no clothing.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
But you kind of sit up in bed and you look and starting
on your chest, something you didn't notice, you haven't
noticed to this point, is dragon scales.
Okay.
Blue dragon scales starting.
It looks like they're starting from the center of your
chest.
And you hear a voice that you haven't heard in a while.
Bored and he...
Not even so much you hear him.
You feel like you're looking through somebody else's eyes at
this time.
And he begins talking through you.
And he says, so it looks...
I've been...
I'm a minute to mention that, well, I've been like
feeling things and I know that sounds kind of weird, but
like sensation that I haven't felt in...
Well, since I got my head chopped off.
That makes sense.
And I was having trouble explaining it until right now.
I think we are becoming what's known as one.
What do you mean by one?
Well, from the looks of it and I mean, I've heard of
bodies being kind of joined in our world on Enon.
And if they're not taking care of in time,
the host becomes more like the soul or the entity that's
inside of them.
And your vision quickly switches back so now you feel
like you are not looking through somebody else's eyes,
but you're looking through his and I feel like we could
be doing this song and dance a little bit until we get
this sorted out.
Are we are you talking like split personality or are
we gonna become like this new thing with the both
of us like in there?
That's a good question.
Oh, you mean you haven't done this before?
No, no haven't haven't experienced this one yet myself,
but some things that I that I have heard is the host
disappears.
Oh boy.
I don't know how best to to I don't I mean, I'm going
to leave that kind of up to you on how you want to
go about this.
I know you guys have a lot of things going on.
I don't know how long this is going to take or even
you feel the scales on your chest or even how long
it will take for anybody to notice.
But it could be bad for one of us.
Yeah, that that doesn't sound good.
He's like what should we do?
Well, I mean you guys got that that body switch
and spell right.
I mean I get the only thing I can think of is just
doing that as quickly as possible.
But again, I mean, I know you guys have shit.
All right, the spell Macoth worked up for us.
Yeah, it like to this point, like it seems to be
slow slow progressing.
We could we could have time based on what we do
used to have dragon scales on my chest.
So I don't think it's that slow anymore.
Yeah, that's that's true.
I mean we can kind of kind of play it by by ear
and see where we're at once we figure out this
forest thing, maybe.
Yeah, maybe yeah task at hand and then kind of
put it next on the list.
Sure.
Yeah, that's that's probably a good idea.
Oh geez.
All right.
Yeah, this is how am I going to tell the group
about this?
Yeah.
Well, I mean fortunately you have to deal with
that and I don't.
But you've done it again.
Yeah foiled.
Oh, I get you every time.
But maybe we should figure out if if like one
of those body swampy things happens and you're
looking through me rather than I'm looking through
you.
What how you want to play it?
Oh, yeah shit.
Do you want to tell them right now or do you
want to do you want to wait?
What's your?
Maybe maybe we'll wait till kind of the task at
hand is is finished and then we'll all kind of
spring it on and then okay.
So if I if I get if I am in control, like I
will try and play it as as much like you.
Yeah, that sounds good and hope it switches
back back quick.
What's it?
What's a popular catchphrase you have that I
could just toss out so they really know that
it's that it's you and not me.
You can yell out.
I'm not wearing underwear.
Got it.
Every time it happens.
I will yell.
I'm not wearing underwear.
Perfect.
All right.
Well, if I if I think of anything else,
it's been a been a while since I've I mean
if it's nice to talk to you again.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
We should do this.
We should do this more often.
I mean those those those ladies kind of hold
back our conversation.
I think you're not wrong.
He laughs and then he says all right.
Well, you you guys got shit to do.
I'll you need you need me you you come give
me a give me a holler and I'll try and oh
hey, I do have a question before you go.
Yeah, any tips on fighting dragons?
Hit them hard, hit them fast and don't let
them don't let them hit you.
Okay, so my standard battle approach then.
Okay, got it.
Yeah.
Yeah, you've been doing pretty good.
They're pretty good there.
So yeah.
All right.
Awesome.
Okay, so you guys you guys wake up in the
morning and you reconvene in beefy stews
and he's got some breakfast stuff ready for
you and it says hold things on the house
guys you guys you guys helped us.
I'm gonna I'm gonna make sure you're fed
as long long as you're here.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks to you.
Thanks beefy stew.
We're gonna yeah, we're gonna try
get this sorted out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you you got it you
much too as you need and then once you
guys go I'm probably going to go to
because it seems like everybody's leaving
maybe head for head for silvery moon
or something somewhere.
It's a bit safer.
We'll see.
Oh, okay.
You need anything you give me a holler
and if you need anything once you get
to silvery moon just mention that,
you know, you know me and you'll be
taken care of taking care of taking
care of by who are you lying to
Stu whoever you run into.
Okay.
And okay.
Yep.
You got it.
Okay.
Is he gone now?
I want to tell you line is back.
Yeah, go for it.
So Stu walks away and like I look
at my friends like
don't like I'm pissed at Galen too,
but don't they get that he has made
like this is the safest place to be
at least until the middle of tonight
when he might have like he's not
going to show up to give Dragon
Rider McGee more information.
Like why if they weren't going to
run away before I don't I'm not
sure I understand why they're
going to run away now.
I don't really get it either.
Elves are weird.
Agree.
I give Flamikins Kinza look.
Oh and Nulara.
Yeah.
I mean, you're just giving the
stink guy all over the place.
Like yeah, we all we all kind
of night along.
We all not along with flamkins.
I mean, you're I mean you're
cool, but you know in general.
Yeah, we come with our quirks.
Yeah, I think this just means
we need to take care of this
sooner than later.
I agree.
I guess I'll shout at Stu like
Stu any any newcomers or
waiting for our friends still
is anyone?
Shown up in town.
No, nobody.
Nobody knew just lots of people
lots of people leaving not many
people come coming in.
What do you guys want to do
while we wait for Delaine?
I'm not good at waiting.
Should we should we go and
see if there are any armories
or anything that we could do
to that?
He says, I mean, I know you I
know we want to wait for him,
but he's he's one of the best
trackers in known Faerun.
If we go, he'll know where we
are.
That's true.
So we're talking like a
last-minute rescue when we're
fucking going to hell.
He's going to come in and
save the day.
I'm down.
Yeah, that sounds like that
dramatic storytelling.
Let's do it.
I say in character to that.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, that was definitely in
character as well.
For sure.
Yeah.
Hey there, I'm your Dungeon
Master Russ More.
Thank you for joining us for
episode 35 of Dungeons and
Dragons titled and Alton
interrogation.
Just want to give you the
details from our friends at
the Liberty podcast.
You can pick up their newly
released sci-fi post-apocalyptic
RPG system Liberty After at
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featuring over 30 new classes
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special abilities, deities,
poisons, enemies, and those
sweet misfire charts.
I'm going to have to work
some of those into the game,
I think.
Another fun thing players of
the system can do is submit
your own stories to possibly
have them immortalized in
the world's official canon so
long as they don't blow up
the planet.
You just got to keep it
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You might even find your
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Speaking of which, there's
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wherever you download podcasts
and find all the details
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And while you're out there
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Some of those rewards
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Links for everything mentioned today
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The next episode will be out
April 11th, but right now
let's go find out what all this
sneaky headphones off business is about.
Hmm, mystery,
intrigue.
I like it.
Have a great couple weeks.
We'll talk to you soon.
See a carves on a tree on the way out.
Gone to fight dragon,
waterfall,
miss you and then a heart
and a T in the heart.
You'll find it.
You will.
I guess if we go to the lifts,
is gallon Dan there?
You better believe gallon Dan is there.
He's on shift.
He's such a hard worker.
Well, he seems like the guy too.
Like he's like,
I'm gonna be here till it burns.
Sure.
Get people up and down out of these trees.
I'm but a simple pulley man.
I'm just a pulley man.
Wow, nice tie into the Mike Myers cast.
He's
always keeping on brand.
Yep.
Our Mike Myers brand.
Yeah, it's our new sub podcast.
Okay.
I want to I assume we're like all on board too.
Yes.
Yeah, let's do this shit.
We pound a few red balls and get jacked.
Let's go fight a fucking dragon.
We always get so successfully.
Yeah, I've never fought a dragon before,
but holy fuck.
Am I excited?
You're going to be great play begins.
Because I want to so we go to the lift and gallon Dan is
there.
We need to know.
Such a cool dude.
Can you tell us how to get to the large waterfall that
you spoke of last night?
Oh, yeah, totally.
You just go and then he gives you exact directions
perfect from
I love that
from the from the directions that flaming kins gave him
to the location where you followed gallon to
Oh my god, just say he tells you how to get.
No, I need to make this as convoluted as possible.
Got a fill time here.
Yeah, he gives you directions.
Okay.
Thank you.
And stay safe.
Yeah.
Oh, oh, yeah, we'll stay safe.
You take care of that dragon and
we'll be all good.
We're gonna we're gonna try sweet
and as you as you have this fond farewell.
He just starts lowering the pulley
slowly very slowly and awkwardly.
Just staring at you.
Tells you thanks for all the stew.
He just doesn't say anything just keeps lowering a little
bit faster now.
You're at the bottom.
Okay.
All right, we start off in the direction in which he
had told us.
He told you that the the waterfall is about 30 miles
from Alton in the direction that gallon had given you
and you are traveling for quite a while.
It takes you most of the day
and you you're walking through thick heavy brush
and you hear in the distance the sound of a female
voice crying out.
And she's yelling help help.
Well, it's probably a fucking witch.
So let's go.
We run apprehensively towards the voice
as you get closer to the voice and you come upon
this this woman you see
she is on the ground and she has her leg trapped
underneath a heavy fallen tree and she calls out to
you as she sees you come up and she says can you
can you please can you please help me get free?
Can I like do a perception check like I we have
been burned so many times by random women in the
woods.
Developed a compLex.
I have do an insight check.
Yeah, sure.
Insight or sorry.
What are you looking for?
Are you looking for like her how she's portraying
herself or like things around like things around
like can I see people like others hiding?
Does it seem like a legitimate tree has fallen
down like, you know, I have a nature affinity
if it's like looks fake.
I would know if it was fake.
Totally.
Yeah, roll an investigation check if that's what
you're looking for.
Nailed it.
That's an eight.
So I know we're in the woods.
It's a good first impression.
You see that she's she's got a tree on top
of her.
I'll give you I'll give you advantage because
you are woodsy.
I'm definitely woodsy.
That is an 18.
You come upon her and she's calling out to
you and you're kind of looking around see if
maybe this is is a trap of some sort and you
don't you don't see anybody.
You don't see any sign of any other people.
It looks like the tree has legitimately snapped
and fallen on top of her.
There's nothing that you can tell that would
otherwise tell you that she is not actually
calling out the odds though.
Like really that's what I was going to say
like that moment.
Damn like what did she roll?
That is that is some bad fucking luck.
I mean if a tree falls in the woods and
it doesn't fall on a potential like would be
witch to destroy us.
Does it really fall at all?
Age-old question.
I have been in the woods when a tree has
fallen and it is loud as fuck.
So like it's kind of her own fault.
She didn't get out of the way.
A lot of cracking happening, but I can't
lift this tree, but
maybe my very strong companions.
Yeah, let's all get in there.
Let's all let's all go try and move this
tree.
Is she is it an elf or a human?
She's an elf.
What's she wearing?
She's wearing kind of a woodsy
woodsy attire.
Just kind of natural fabrics and a lot of
hemp a lot of maybe some burlap.
Sure.
Okay.
Okay, we lift everybody want to roll me a
strength.
Nineteen.
Oh man, be a super fucking strong.
Twenty-one.
Twenty-three.
Throw the tree across the clearing where
it's amazing.
So it takes all of your effort to lift
the tree and you as you lift it, you
realize that you may be putting yourselves
at risk if it shifts against you.
But then even as you are close to freeing
the woman the tree begins to rise on
its own and two other trees standing
nearby shift back along the ground as
the elf stands and smiles showing no
sign of injury and she says every
fucking time heroes at last.
She says how many might fall back
in fear at the sight of a stranger in
the woods or think first of their own
safety before helping another.
I grant you my blessing.
May your hearts prove true where
others fear to tread and the woman picks
flowers from her hair that you swear
were not there a moment ago and then
twist her fingers to weave them into
garland as if by magic and she lays
a garland around each of your necks
then suddenly transforms into an owl
and her awakened tree servants stomp
after her in the forest.
Do we feel anything?
Do I feel a rush of vigor?
Surge through my body.
Do I know what this magic is?
That's a better question that she's
given to us.
Do I feel a rut?
Is there a tingling sensation?
You sense there is some sort of
druidic very strong druidic magic,
but you're uncertain as to what
exactly it does.
I'm going to name my garland Jeff.
He is fun.
Yeah, that's fun.
Yeah, I like that.
Okay.
So little strange, but probably one
of our our best, you know, interactions
in the woods with a stranger.
With a random woman in the woods by far.
Yeah, this is pretty.
This is definitely our best interaction
with a random woman in the woods.
So I mean, and these are nice.
I mean, I feel pretty.
Do I feel pretty?
Oh, so pretty.
And witty and gay and gay.
You elves are weird.
Why?
Why do I have this thing on?
We're going to keep this on me.
Is this some sort of forest shit thing?
Do not rebuke a charm
and a blessing given to you by a druid.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, you got it.
Yep.
I'll keep it on.
Fucking right, you will.
Keep walking.
Onward?
Yeah, it goes stone cold for a minute.
Flamikins Kinn's been talking some smack about elves,
so I guess she really has.
Flamikins Kinn's is on my shit list right now.
Well, you're mad too,
because Delaine hasn't shown up yet.
Well, yeah, girls got needs.
Okay, so we like, let's just keep going, right?
You turn and you see Thaddeus is already walking.
So you kind of catch up to him
and you carry on for what you think is most of the 30
miles that you were told that you'd have to walk
and you begin to hear the sound of a waterfall off
in the distance and you figure based on the where
the sounds coming from you might be like a quarter
mile out.
Everybody make a perception check.
18.
Perceptive as fuck.
21.
Damn, Amy.
19.
I have a plus eight perception.
I'm super fucking perceptive.
Yeah, so you all begin to notice that there are thin
strands of spiderweb that you can start to see hanging
nearly invisible in the misty air.
Spreading out going in the direction that you are going.
Do Flamikins Kinn's and Thaddeus notice this as well
or do we need to stop them?
Flamikins Kinn keeps walking and doesn't notice you guys.
It doesn't notice you guys have stopped and she's just
kind of humming to herself.
Gonna kill a dragon.
Okay, I'm going to try and like grab her touch her
shoulder or something and like point them out so that
she whoa, whoa.
Yeah.
Oh jeez.
Thanks.
Oh, what do you think those are for?
Nothing good.
In our previous experiences.
Yep.
Nothing good.
Thea produces flame because I don't know if you guys have
ever burnt up cobwebs before but really easy way to
get rid of them and I don't want them to touch me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's a really good point because you had don't they
like shrivel like if you burn plastic or something
like they go like you like it's kind of like
burning hair.
It just kind of yes.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly same.
So I'm going to like that in this world.
Yeah, do spiderwebs work the same or do they like
yeah, they become explosive.
Do they triple in size?
What happens?
As you produce flame and I assume you said you
were using your sword.
Yeah, I'm going to pull up my sword and movie
Caliente it sure as you begin to light the webs
you notice that they are quite moist and do not
burn away as easily.
They're mixed with the heavy mist and fog that's
in the forest and it destroys the webs immediately
in front of you but does not spread among them
as you may have.
Okay, but it keeps it off of us.
So yeah, he is fairly happy with that as you
begin to move forward the webs become thicker
and you see wrapped up inside of them birds
and small animals trapped within it.
Are they alive?
Can we get them out?
Probably not.
Yeah, everybody make a stealth roll make a
barf roll more like right classic start.
Oh no a 10 15 22 Thaddeus and Flammokins also
failed.
So you are walking along Thea and Nulara
burning the webs in front of you but Thaddeus
and Flammokins step a little bit outside and
knock the webs.
And Thea turns around almost to scold them
perhaps and knocks into the webs herself.
That'll learn her.
And you hear the sound of legs beginning to
crawl quickly towards you through the web.
And you look up into the trees and you see
what looks like seven giant spiders and jumping
down behind you three Ettercaps as they close
in on you.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of
Incompetech.Filmmusic.io
Okay, I'm going to Google something here.
Oh, here we go.
D&D lore question.
We have a prego elf in the party and nobody
can find a straight answer.
Okay, does anyone else pretend to walk while
they're at their desk?
Yeah, I literally just was like, so we're going
to go right and started like moving my arms.
You guys can't see me and I'm sitting so like
in the room by yourself.
I definitely did that every time.
Yep.
Me too.
Like and we're off.
It's mine.
So like a lot of like, you know, elbows
90 degree angle fists out like a lot of
shoulder movement.
Big smiles, big smiles.
Yeah, it's the world we're building here
We're walking in a mall.
That makes me happy that we're both doing
that because I definitely do every time.
Like let's go.
So you high ho high ho.
It's off to work.
We go.
Okay.
Perfect.
A famous Dwarven song.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.